Category Archives: Spirituality

Heaven and Hell

I don’t believe that “hell” or “the devil” are outside of ourselves. I believe that these are mental constructs that we have been conditioned to believe in order for those in power to keep the masses suppressed and controlled through guilt and fear.

I believe that “hell” is the act of continuously embracing our negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, while welcoming the circumstances that go along with them as our doomed reality.

I don’t believe that the “devil” is a separate entity trying to hinder our positive progress, but rather the physical evidence of our spiritual misalignment.

When we try to force things that are out of alignment with our divine purpose or the destiny that we should be honoring, life gets hard. If we consistently try to force our ego-filled agenda instead of listening to the God-force within us, we tend to have conflict and contrast frequently. Blaming this on the interference of an external entity prevents our spiritual growth. The only way to grow is to take accountability for our thoughts, feelings, actions, behaviors, and energetic vibration.

Speaking of the “devil” as if there is some evil monster that we are constantly battling and is trying to sabotage every productive move we make, is counterintuitive. The idea of a big, bad, ugly, and scary entity with supernatural power creates subconscious fear and a victim mentality, thereby diminishing our ability to create, love, and heal. No one is interfering with our progress except for us.

When we make moves out of ego and self-motivated impulsivity, we bump into contrast. When we name that contrast after an external opponent called “the devil”, we ignore our own responsibility and contribution to our circumstances. When we live in a state of perpetual fear and powerlessness, and focus solely on things that feed our low vibration, we are living in hell. However, if we listen for divine guidance before we make moves and show appreciation for things that raise our vibration… We experience Heaven on Earth.

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The Power of Stillness.

We all have infinite wisdom and spiritual abilities. It just depends on how open and obedient we are. If you feel led from Spirit to do something strange and you do it, you are being obedient and eventually you will get rewarded by being “leveled up”.

When you aren’t concerned with spiritual gifts and are simply focusing on growing closer to the Divine, the intimacy of that relationship swells up and expands within you. It pours out onto every living being around you in the form of unconditional love, effortlessly.

You begin to think, feel, speak, and live differently. You become energetically and spiritually attuned. Anything out of alignment with your Higher-Self becomes excruciating. Your physical outer world begins to reflect your supernatural inner world, but only if you can remain focused Within.

When you begin to listen diligently, and you are faithful and obedient to the guidance of your ancestors, your spiritual gifts will be revealed to you. It’s about maintaining your energetic balance and alignment, listening to that still, small voice within, and being willing, and obedient, consistently.

You can only hear guidance by going Within. Often times, people just want to know their spiritual gifts and flow in them, without doing any of the inner work that it takes to access and excavate them. It takes discipline and application. Diligence and consistency. Reflection, healing, and growth. But most of all, it takes a deep yearning to be closer to the Godforce within. A desperation for stillness, a hunger for wisdom, an unquenchable thirst for Truth.

Some prefer to overload themselves with external information without actually doing anything to incorporate what they have learned into their lifestyles- then they wonder why they are blocked and can’t do X,Y, and Z.

Everyone is intricately connected to the same Divine wisdom that created the Universe. For we are all created with this wisdom and therefore, the Creator is embedded within the fabric of our DNA. It’s not about whether you have “it” or not, but instead, it’s about whether you have the discipline to humble yourself and still your mind long enough to listen to the guidance of Spirit. It’s about having the fortitude to obey the voices of your ancestors, regardless of how far it stretches you beyond your comfort zone….especially when it challenges everything you have been conditioned to believe from the time you were born.

You can only spread Love and Light, if you are willing to BECOME Love and Light. To become, means we have to release, evolve, and eventually transform. When we truly BECOME, this is an effortless task.

Until we release ego, shed our mental programs, listen and obey,

we are standing in the way of our own ascension.

Asé

My Truth.

When I get emotional, I don’t talk. I process. I go within and examine my pain. I ask the questions, “Why am I feeling this way?” and “What is this about?”

Three of my students have been placed in foster care. They are siblings and one has been separated and placed in another city.

After learning the details of the situation, it triggered and stirred up many memories from my abusive upbringing. I remembered my interviews with judges and CPS workers. I remembered having to go see Protective Services while they photographed my injuries and bruises. I remembered going to the judge and him granting more visitation time to my father after seeing the proof of what happened to me while I was there. I remembered being threatened by my mother if I were to call CPS on what was happening in the house with her. I remembered daydreaming about being removed from the household. I remembered feeling like I had no choice but to remain silent while the social worker questioned me at school and the therapist grilled me in the evenings once or twice weekly. I remembered my mom telling me not to discuss family business with anyone at the school. I remembered my dad telling me not to tell a soul what was happening in his house. I remembered being caught between both of them and having nowhere to go for help. I remembered being the same age as my students and having to hold all of that emotion and information within my little body and keep my mouth shut.

Thinking about how their guardian could do the things that she allegedly has done, I realized that I have had some thoughts that are extremely brutal in nature. I have had them since I was a kid. I didn’t understand at the time where they were coming from, but this situation has cleared that up for me. I remembered asking my mom to put a steak knife in my throat and spin it around when I was seven. I remembered fantasizing about being told to cut the grass with scissors. Those thoughts were unexplainable and as I got older they did not stop. I learned to push the thoughts away and choose happier ones instead. I learned to make choices and decisions that were the opposite of things my dad would have done. I have become the parent that my parents never were. However, until this crisis arose, I never realized how much mental and emotional healing work I had to do in order to accomplish that feat.

It is still difficult to discuss deep feelings of vulnerability and emotion, even with people that I know love me and I can trust, but writing has always been therapeutic.

Being a teacher is hard for me because I once lived a life that is similar to the lives of the students in my classroom. Although it makes it easier for me to connect with and understand them, it makes it harder for me to support the system that employs me. For me, the gaps are so obvious. I can see clear as day where we are coming up short and why. However, who am I? In the grand scheme of things, I am no one. The decision-makers and stakeholders have no interest in what my views or opinions are. They don’t care if I’m hurting. They don’t care about keeping our kids from hurting. They only care once things have already happened and they are no longer in control. It makes them sad, but they don’t do anything different. The system remains the same…. no matter what. In many ways, I feel that my career is my new abuser. There is nothing I can say, nothing I can do, and I’m better off if I just put my head down, do what I’m told, and keep my mouth shut.

If you are in my inner circle, please don’t ever take it personal if I stop talking for a little while. It’s just the way I have learned to cope. It is the only way I know to remain safe and keep my sanity.

Blackness.

Blackness.

It cannot easily be described because it’s a mixture of two worlds. One of oppression and one of regal DNA. While many of our ancestors were kidnapped and forced into providing free labor, many others were indigenous to this land and they have simply been omitted from our history. Our motherland pillaged and raped repeatedly attempting to remove all traces of who we are and what we are capable of. Replacing our leaders and heroes with images of our oppressor. Forcing our mothers, fathers, and grandparents to brainwash us from the time we are born so that we may all live.

However, we can’t really live. We must live a suppressed life. Shaped by lies and deceit. Searching endlessly for the culture, spirituality, and identity stolen from us. We want to build and be a part of something. It’s in our DNA. But what do we want to build and what do we want to be a part of? Those are the answers that we seek so earnestly, but we are distracted by the materialism and capitalism that surrounds us. We also have more fear than we do love for one another.

Who are we? Honestly, we don’t know. Some of us have found the key. Knowing who we are has nothing to do with what we see outside of ourselves. It has everything to do with the information embedded in our DNA that can only come from Within. But our oppressor is a mighty one! The big bad wolf keeps us dangling on his puppet strings. We scramble around lost and confused bumping into each other. Fighting each other. Judging each other. And criticizing those who have found the key. We were taught not to trust each other. So we do not go to each other for guidance. We do not look to each other for support. We do not come together to create our own solutions. Although our ancestors have given us many examples of how it can be done, most of us trust our oppressor more than we trust our own-

Blackness.

Those that have found the key can’t stand to see us suffer. They rise up, they fight back, they take what they know was already ours. They protect our resources while also protecting our future generations. But we don’t always trust them. We were taught not to. We want to go back home. But where is Home exactly? Our DNA says one thing but history says another. And although we all stemmed from the motherland, the motherland does not claim us the way that we claim her. We were ripped and stolen from her womb, and then convinced we were outsiders. Our oppressor is so mighty that while they were convincing us that we are not connected to our motherland, they were also convincing our brothers and sisters that we are not related to them. We are the Phoenix Rising from the ashes of a world that does not want us-

Blackness.

It’s not a movie.
It’s not an outfit.
It’s not a designated month of the year.
It’s not a one-time occasion of raising your fist or taking a knee.

It is a daily responsibility.
It is becoming a village.
It is taking care of our own.
It is nurturing ourselves.
It is a continuous task to seek and know Self.
To search tirelessly for truth and evidence of that truth.
Reading the books that they told us we were unable to read.
Reading the books that they keep hidden from us. Challenging ourselves to read the books that may be beyond our reading level….
And then applying what we have learned.
Letting go of the mental programs that have been instilled in us since the day we entered the world.
Releasing the comfort zone that our oppressor told us was comfortable.
Venturing into unchartered territory, and going on a lifelong adventure to discover Self-

Blackness.

It is power.
It is strength.
It is resilience.
It is creativity.
It is artistic.
It is intellectual.
It is talented.
It is gifted.
It is love and compassion.
It is unity and camaraderie.
It is loyalty.
It is both ancient and contemporary.
Subtle and flashy.
Historical and innovative.
African and American.
It is Magic.
It is Blackness.
It is Us.

Love and Truth.

Confession: 

I’ve never wanted a relationship.  

I was always inspired by hermits.

I used to mail formal invites to my “break-up parties” that were held within a week of ending a relationship.

I used to have major panic attacks at weddings and bridal showers, so I stopped trying to go to them at all.  I knew people wouldn’t understand the anxiety I felt, so  I would just mail gift cards after the fact.

At weddings, when the couple recited the vows, I would see shackles and hear words of ownership being spoken. 

I had a panic attack halfway down the aisle of my own wedding and literally needed both of my parents to walk me.  They were whispering encouraging words, “Keep going.  You’re okay. “


My marriage became abusive within the first two years. 

I regretted forcing myself to do something that was clearly so unnatural for me.

I was excited to get divorced.  I didn’t have a party, but I have celebrated my freedom every day since he left. 

It’s  been four years since my divorce was final.  


I feel Whole.  Complete.  Healed.  Powerful.  Intuitive.  Devine.  Royal.  Precious.  Loveable.  Amazing. And Aligned with Spirit and Truth.


I don’t want to jeopardize any of that by adding another person to the equation who will interfere with the progress I’ve made.  


Some people can be needy.  Clingy.  Manipulative.  And unintentionally controlling.  I’m so in love with my personal growth and ascension journey, I have no interest in compromising that for the sake of a romantic relationship.  Time is an illusion and this may or may not be my last lifetime.  


Either way, I’m  enjoying my journey without a man so much that I don’t want a man if I can’t continue to grow and flourish as I have these past four years.  


I am so much better!  I want more! I am in LOVE with growing!!!  If he can’t pour into my soul, I don’t want him.  


If all he can do is focus on the physical aspects of me and things of this temporary, 3D realm, he’s not for me.  


“He” will be my King, not my student.

“He” will pour into my being, rather than deplete me.

“He” will show me with his actions that I am in great hands. 

“He” will not run from my truth.

“He” will empower me with his consistency and be patient as I allow myself to trust him.  

“He” will encourage me through his energetic vibration.


His higher self will speak to mine and say “Keep going.  You’re okay” …….


And I will believe “Him” and let myself love again. 


I won’t be “His” and “He” won’t be mine, 


We will simply just  “Be” together in love. 💖


Asé

Why I’m single…..for now.

I never really thought about why I was single until one day, someone asked me, and I was stuck.  I didn’t really have a simple answer.  I didn’t even really know where to start.  I just sat there, dumbfounded.  I thought to myself, “I guess I need to think about how to articulate this in case I’m asked again.”

I continued living my life as I normally do and tried to feel where a relationship would fit and what I would want in a partner and why.  It wasn’t easy.  I’m very busy and I’m also very content.  I meditated and asked the question, “why am I single?”.

After a few days of listening for the answer, this is what I realized:

​I get a lot of 5D (spiritual) assignments that require me to use my spiritual gifts to assist people, some I know and most are strangers.  It is my priority to stay in spiritual alignment regardless of who is in my life and in what capacity they are in it.  Sometimes, 3D relationships and all the pettiness that goes into dating is just a big distraction.  I believe the person for me will gravitate towards me and enhance my vibe rather than cause interference with my energetic frequency.  Most men don’t even know what I’m talking about, so they could never really support me on this journey.  Besides that, being whole and knowing that I have all I need inside of me, changes my perspective of relationships.  I have already been married and divorced.  I have two children.  I don’t feel like I’m lacking or need to pursue anything. This physical life is temporary anyway.  “The One” is a relative illusion based on where we are at any given point in our lives. For me, there are more important things to focus on…..like fulfilling my divine purpose in life and raising the vibration of this planet.  

If I ever have a King, he will be on the same mission that I am on, or at least, he will understand that every now and then I have to put on my cape and channel someone’s ancestor or transitioned loved one.  I may see him unexpectedly through my third eye and have to call him out of nowhere to deliver a message from the Divine.  He may have a thought that I hear or feel from miles away and I am instructed to help keep him on course with his Divine purpose.   This is my life.  This is what I do, with or without him in it.  He has to be willing to go deep within himself and maintain his own connection and alignment to Source, while giving me the trust, respect, and freedom to fulfill my 5D to-do list.  Obviously, I would love to support him with his own life mission and journey to ascension.  It would give me no greater pleasure than to be the Queen to my King and give him the trust, respect, and freedom to fulfill his own destiny while he does the same for me.

If he is moving through life aligned with his higher self, and I am too, not only could we manifest some amazing stuff together, it would be the most exhilarating, soul quenching relationship ever!

If it’s supposed to happen, it will.  In the meantime, I am in the avatar of my Higher Self.  Chilling…….until further notice.

MOVE ON!

How loudly must we cry in order to be heard?

How bad does it have to get before we are understood?

If I have a flashback and cry in class

All you do after everyone laughs

Is tell me: 

MOVE ON!

I wish you would take me to the side

Give me some tissue for my eyes,

Maybe a hug would be good 

If you sincerely felt like you should.

But instead, you just tell me:

MOVE ON!

What am I supposed to do?

Who am I supposed to go to?

I am the voice of those unheard

Those who have had their dreams deferred.

Parents who are stressed

Teachers who are overwhelmed

Children with arms outstretched

Longing to be rescued.

We can’t forget how we 

got here so how can we:

MOVE ON?

From sitting in the desk

To now standing behind it

A single parent of two little ones

No words can describe this

Feeling of fear and despair

Yet hopeful determination.

We are resilient.

We are creative. 

But we need our next generation!

Only in love and unity will we:

MOVE ON!

We don’t have a choice

I wish more would raise their voice

Rather than suffer in silence

Trying to keep their faces fixed

I wish less would talk and more would listen

It would completely change their disposition.

If they could hear our ancestors guide us

They wouldn’t just lead, but they would help us survive this.

Then we could:

MOVE ON!

One thing I’ve learned in life

Is we can’t depend on someone else’s dime

We must rise to our feet

Brush the dust off our sleeves.

Sit still in meditation,

And follow our intuition

We must fill ourselves with love

Overflowing with power from above

Grab the hands of our neighbors 

Lift them up in praises

And together let us all say:

MOVE ON!